[Atsushi will settle in to eat alongside him at the table, and for all he says they should spare some for Dazai, he's certainly not holding himself back. There's a bit of frosting on his cheek as he hums in pleasure after devouring one quickly, and watching Inner enjoy himself with food is always a joy in itself.]
[He watches as Inner pulls back and start licking his fingers, a slow creeping blush coming to his cheeks as he stares. Inner knows exactly what he's doing, he knows he does--]
[Aaaaah--- okay, that's getting a blush out of him. He snags a napkin from the bag, quickly making like he's trying to scrub any possible leftover frosting from his face. In reality he's just flustered.]
It's nothing bad! W-Well it might be bad, but it would be on my part--
[That babbling is a bad habit of his.]
Well, you see... I've been calling you 'Atsushi-san' all this time because I never wanted either of you to feel like you were less of an 'Atsushi' than the other, because you're both your own selves to me. [He's never had trouble distinguishing them from each other, and it was both their names. It had seemed simple to just treat them as two people who had the same name. But...]
But I've heard people calling you 'Tiger' recently... Is that... um... would you prefer that?
[That's a good question, and it takes Inner a few seconds to think about it.]
...I don't mind Tiger if it's from other people. There are four Atsushis, and even though he isn't any more 'Atsushi' than I am, if it's more convenient for him I'll allow it.
But you hate the tiger, so I don't want you to call me that.
[Atsushi looks a little stricken by that answer because... well, what was he to say to that?
His relationship with the tiger was complicated. 'Hate' might be a bit strong... fear would be more accurate, but not quite. And to hear that he didn't want to be called that by him because of that... His gaze falls to the tabletop, expression more than a little guilty.]
[Atsushi's first impulse is to protest: It's not that simple, it's not. It can't be simple, when he's woken to the taste of blood in his mouth, with gaps in his memories and destruction around him. It can't be that simple when he's hurt both enemies and people precious to him.
But... He also knows why he'd transformed at those times, and he fists his fingers in the hem of his shirt, looking torn.]
...The first time I transformed, the tiger killed a man. It's dangerous.
[...If he hadn't, though, would he still be alive right now?]
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[Pointedly, but said with a little grin.]
They should still be plenty gooey though, if you want to eat now.
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[For Atsushis, maybe, but not for Dazai.
That said, he's going to chow down.]
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Good?
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[He wipes it off Atsushi's cheek and licks the frosting off his fingers. Don't waste good food.]
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[He watches as Inner pulls back and start licking his fingers, a slow creeping blush coming to his cheeks as he stares. Inner knows exactly what he's doing, he knows he does--]
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[He absolutely knows what he's doing.]
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[He quirks a brow, amused in spite of himself. It is Cordis, after all.]
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[Cordis is one thing, but also, it's Atsushi.]
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This shouldn't be news to you.
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[He's still blushing as he lowers his hand, but something about what he just said reminds him of a question he's been meaning to ask.]
Actually... about that... I probably should have asked before now, but it's probably better late than never.
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[That awkward hesitation makes him concerned he might have to stab somebody-]
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[That babbling is a bad habit of his.]
Well, you see... I've been calling you 'Atsushi-san' all this time because I never wanted either of you to feel like you were less of an 'Atsushi' than the other, because you're both your own selves to me. [He's never had trouble distinguishing them from each other, and it was both their names. It had seemed simple to just treat them as two people who had the same name. But...]
But I've heard people calling you 'Tiger' recently... Is that... um... would you prefer that?
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...I don't mind Tiger if it's from other people. There are four Atsushis, and even though he isn't any more 'Atsushi' than I am, if it's more convenient for him I'll allow it.
But you hate the tiger, so I don't want you to call me that.
[Even if they're not the same tiger at all.]
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His relationship with the tiger was complicated. 'Hate' might be a bit strong... fear would be more accurate, but not quite. And to hear that he didn't want to be called that by him because of that... His gaze falls to the tabletop, expression more than a little guilty.]
...I'm sorry. I'd never-- I love you.
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I know you wouldn't, pet. No matter what you called me.
[He knows Atsushi loves him, even if sometimes he still marvels at how he could be so lucky.]
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I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking, I guess.
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You wanted to be kind to me. You always do.
[Because he's that kind of a person, with that kind of a love for him.]
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[He presses his lips to their intertwined hands, wishing he was as good with words as the other two were.]
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If you'd like to call me something else, I don't mind. Having a name all to myself... it's not bad.
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[Picking a nickname? That seems daunting.]
Not tiger, but something else? I won't call you something that's upsetting to you.
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[That's his name for Atsushi, not the other way around!]
...You're too hard on the tiger. It's not a monster, it's just a stupid animal. Not that far from chasing around a laser pointer, intelligence-wise.
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A... laser pointer?
[He pauses at that, frowning a little. It seemed too innocent a comparison, when... well.]
...It's a beast that can tear someone to pieces and has before. And I can't control it, either.
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I'm not saying it's not dangerous, I'm saying that it's only doing what any tiger would do.
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[Atsushi's first impulse is to protest: It's not that simple, it's not. It can't be simple, when he's woken to the taste of blood in his mouth, with gaps in his memories and destruction around him. It can't be that simple when he's hurt both enemies and people precious to him.
But... He also knows why he'd transformed at those times, and he fists his fingers in the hem of his shirt, looking torn.]
...The first time I transformed, the tiger killed a man. It's dangerous.
[...If he hadn't, though, would he still be alive right now?]
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