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[tigerpoet]

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[tigerpoet]

Alright.

[He steps inside to take a seat on the couch. Alas, he should have known that her nervousness wasn't just from the gift.]

[dereban]

[ She closes the door for him once he's inside, making sure that it's locked because she doesn't want anyone to be popping in while this conversation is going on before taking a seat across from him, her hands rested on her lap. ]

How do I even start--

. . . I guess I should just say that for whatever I say, if at any time you want to hate me and walk out or whatever, I won't stop you.

[tigerpoet]

...Okay.

[He doubts that's going to happen, but he also has no idea what this is about, so saying 'of course I won't hate you' doesn't hold much weight.]

this is gonna get slightly nsfw talk probably?

[dereban]

So.

I've been thinking about it for a while, and since the end of the year is coming, I thought that now would probably be the time to admit the truth to everyone I know. Since. . . well, I haven't exactly been a good person, and I'm aware of that.

Because all this time, I've been moonlacing with people in spite of actually having a significant other.

[ So, uh.

...Yeah. ]

[tigerpoet]

Oh.

[That's definitely a thing, especially since Atsushi knows personally that she hasn't limited herself to hugs and cuddles.]

...why?

[dereban]

. . . Part of it is the moon cycle.

[ Her voice is quiet as she says those words. ] But I don't want to entirely excuse it -- that it's just that. I guess you could say it's hard, being 'alone', I guess.

I mean, there's a lot of people here, sure, but nobody I know from back home. Not a single familiar face.

It's. . . [ There's something there, a tremble, perhaps. ] It's lonely, and I get jealous, seeing everyone just--

. . .

Living over half a year away from home. . . I don't know how people make it seem so easy.

[tigerpoet]

...I know how lonely it is, being alone here.

[He never forgets that even though there are people with the same names as he remembers here, they're still strangers to him. It's deeply lonely.]

Thank you for telling me.

[dereban]

Yeah. That's why I guess you could say I was desperate. . . to not be alone again.

[ She threads her fingers together, nervous. ]

W-Which is why I'm saying that if you hate me or anything because of what I did while being aware of all of this, I. . . won't be mad.

[tigerpoet]

I don't hate you.

[He can't speak for anyone else. But if he was in her position, without 'til death do us part', he...]

I don't want to have sex with you anymore knowing this, but I don't hate you.

[dereban]

Ahaha. That's fine, I understand.

[ She's not mad, even if nervousness still settles in her voice. ]

Although I'm surprised, given that I did something really bad. It's not the kind of thing that should be easily forgiven or anything like that. . .

[tigerpoet]

It's a really bad thing, but I'm not one of the people you've really wronged. So I'm not in a place to forgive you.

[If he were her boyfriend, that would be different. If he were Nakajima, that would also be different.]

[dereban]

I know.

[ Her voice becomes quiet as she grabs one of the cushions on the bed and hugs it tightly. ]

I was aware of that, and even then. . . I'm just stupid.

[ Just going to bury her face in the pillow now; it makes it easier to obscure her expression that way as she yells into it. ]

Having feelings for people is hard and stupid.

[tigerpoet]

[After a moment, he reaches over to put a hand on her shoulder. There, there.]

It is. And there's nothing we can really do about that.

[Such is life.]

[dereban]

I wish it could just stop. . .

[ A part of her thinks that hey, maybe she can rely on magic but also she kind of hates magic?

So there's a problem there.

And she may or may not be crying now after trying to hold her tears back for so long. ]

[tigerpoet]

[Oh, no, she's definitely getting a hug for that.

Feelings are complicated and hard and barely worth it.]

[dereban]

Sorry-- s-sorry, I didn't mean to cry when I don't really deserve it--

[tigerpoet]

Shh. Just let it out.

[They can talk about deserving or not deserving some other time.]

[dereban]

[ Inaba's not usually a crier.

She usually doesn't do things like this and yet, here we are. ]

I'm usually not. . . this weak. . . it's not like me at all.

[tigerpoet]

Feelings make us do things we wouldn't normally. It's alright.

[He rubs her upper back soothingly.]

[dereban]

Mm. . . I know it's not weird to like more than one person, but --

I just wish I could talk to Taichi about this.

[tigerpoet]

It would be much easier if you could just talk it out.

[Since he's in a vague polypile to begin with...]

[dereban]

Yeah. . . I know he'd probably be okay with it because he's the kind of guy that's stupidly selfless and cares about me, but. . .

[...]

[tigerpoet]

...but doing it without his knowledge or permission doesn't feel good.

[dereban]

It doesn't-- even if I always pretend otherwise and try to forget.

[tigerpoet]

You're a better person than you give yourself credit for.

[A worse person wouldn't have come clean about it.]